The Fear Paradigm
Fear. A construct we are all familiar with. Rational or irrational, we are all afraid of something. Before we lost Vail, my biggest...
Welcome to The Vail Project Blog
written by Vail's mom
This blog is intended as an outlet for personal feelings surrounding the loss of Vail. The content may be triggering to others who are suffering grief from child-loss. Content found on this blog may be offensive to some, though that is not my intent. I can only hope that my open accounting of this tragic journey, touches the lives of others. This blog should serve as a safe place, where all who enter can be honest about the shattering grief of child-loss, no matter how ugly the truth may be.
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My Failure Confessional
Tonight, is a night like most others. Twilight falls and the hardest part of my day arrives. It's the witching hour, the loss-parent...
Loss and the Wood Chipper
Imagine that you have beautiful oak tree in your front yard. It has been there for 40 years, always growing, its leaves falling and...
The Empty Silence of Child Loss
As a busy mom of two active girls, there was never silence in our house. No silence, no downtime and little reprieve during the day. ...
Choke it Down or Drown
In the wake of losing Vail, we pretty much live day to day. Ok, more like hour to hour. Despite needing to focus on the future for...
The Magnitude of Loss: A Daily Struggle
My internal dialog has changed significantly since the day Vail died. Understandably, as I have changed in ways I never knew were...
Raising Capital During a Pandemic
After we lost Vail in September of 2019, Steve and I couldn't sleep at night. No parent could, after their healthy, happy 16 month old...
Passing judgement: a new American past-time.
When I was a working paramedic there were many tough situations in which I was forced to work. Pretty much every single shift I, there...
Forget Maslow: A post-loss hierarchy of needs
When I was in college, I minored in psychology. Once I left, I never looked back. There have been very few times in my life that I have...
Grieving minds play constant tricks
In my grief process I am constantly amazed at how different every single day is. I say this, because unlike any other period in my life,...
Secrets to survival during coronapocalypse
Let me start by acknowledging a few of our new realities. We are all suffering. Some more than others, so I think we can agree...
A cruel, cruel world
Our world is a merciless, brutal place. This is certainly not news to me. Sadly, a whole lot of people are about to learn just how...
Social distancing: The new normal for child-loss grief.
With COVID-19 hysteria sweeping the world, I find myself deep in self reflection. Not just about the loss of our perfect Vail, but about...
Behind the Grief Curtain: A day in the life of a grieving mother.
A friend of mine said something today that really made me think about how my life must look from the outside; from the viewpoint of...
I got kicked out.
It took 5 months. Well actually like 3 months, but who's counting? Let me explain. Those of us in the SUDC community have one place to...
the opposite of sadness
This is the dictionary definition: “Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can't help but...
All the other moms
One of the hardest things for me to do now, is to be in a room with other moms and their kids. It’s difficult for so many reasons but...
When my child grieves
This is the worst. The only thing more heartbreaking than the pain of my own loss, is the heartache felt by my surviving child. If I...
A Different Time
Every day is a struggle. The loss of our child is a weight that is unbearable. Most days, Steve and I accomplish our must do list,...
Finding a new normal
I hate the word normal. It implies a level of conformity to social pressures. To fit a defined set of standards. What is normal for one...