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I miss you Baby Vail

Dear Baby Vail,


I miss you sweet little love. Count the ways. I miss you the instant I wake up each morning, because I have to remind myself that I won't be coming to pick you up out of bed. Your special smile doesn't shine on me, so my day starts off in the shadows.


I miss you at breakfast time, because no one else eats Iced Oatmeal Cookie Z bars and snuggles me while they eat them. That was only you.


I miss helping you get your cute outfits on each day. You had so many wonderful things to wear and it was so much fun watching you put on outfits that were your big sisters' first. All those Vail sized clothes have been put away, because you aren't here to wear them.


I miss you in the bathroom. I'll never be able to go into the bathroom without thinking of your silly mischief. Your snuggles while I sat on the potty, and your ability to empty a drawer in 2.2 seconds, finding all kinds of treasures. The look on your face, pure joy that you were getting away with it.


I miss seeing your face in the rear view mirror when I drive. Always watching your sister to see what she was doing in her seat. Ready to give me a cheesy grin when I would turn around to tell you I loved you. Your carseat isn't there anymore, the seat is so very empty. Driving has no joy when I cannot share those trips with you.


I miss you begging to be held all day. Running to me and reaching your little arms up to the sky. Grunting at me, never crying, if I quietly ignored your pleading. I regret every time I didn't pick you up, every moment of your life that I didn't hold you, kiss you, marvel at the amazingness that was you, my special girl.


I miss you at bath time, maybe the most. I loved watching you and your sister in the tub every night, splashing and playing in the bubbles. Your soft skin and silky hair, all wet and clean. It was never work washing you and wrapping you tight in a towel. Holding your warm little body against mine while you put your head on my shoulder, was the highlight of my day.


Most of all, I miss putting you to sleep at night. You had the best little jammies and always looked so cute in them. I miss combing your wispy hair. I desperately miss singing your nighttime songs. I am not sure I will ever be able to sing those songs again. They are your songs. Our special songs, just for you and me and Daddy. Kissing your soft baby lips and telling you just how special and loved you are. I can only pray that you hear me when I say it now. Every day. You are so special and so loved. I miss you in everything, every breath, every moment, every tear.

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